How to Let Go of Roles That No Longer Fit—From Cat Rescue to Self Rescue

Turns out, I’m not really a cat person.

Now, before you clutch your pearls, let me say this: I say that with hesitation. After all, I’ve spent the last year and a half knee-deep in cat rescue—building a sanctuary, saving strays and surrenders, and pouring resources into helping control the pet population. I’ve been called “the cat lady” more times than I can count. But somewhere along the way, the label didn’t sit right with me. And that discomfort became the seed of a deeper realization.

Posed in front of the Rescue Black Project — now joyfully dissolved, as every single cat has found a loving home.

Peeling off old labels is like shedding a too-small coat. It once kept you warm, maybe even felt comforting, but now it’s tight, itchy, and holding you back. Let me walk you through what it looks like to step away from an identity you outgrew—even one you crafted with your own hands. Hopefully you'll learn how to identify roles that no longer align, how to give yourself permission to change, and how to build a life based on who you are now—not who you used to be.

1. When the Label No Longer Fits: Recognizing Misaligned Identities

At first, being “the cat lady” felt like a badge of honor. I was doing meaningful work, supporting animal welfare, and building something with my daughter. But each time someone handed me a cat-themed gift or referred to me using that title, a quiet unease settled in. Turns out, that discomfort was my inner compass whispering, “This isn’t you.”

Psychologists refer to this as "identity misalignment"—when the way you’re seen doesn’t reflect who you are or who you want to be. It doesn’t make the past invalid; it just means you’ve evolved. If a role starts to feel more like an obligation than a joy, it may be time to reevaluate.

“You can outgrow a role the same way you outgrow a pair of shoes.

It doesn’t mean they were never right—just that you’re walking a different path now.”

— Dr. Thema Bryant

2. From Rescue to Sanctuary: Honoring the Pivot Without Shame

Rescuing became heavy. So, I transitioned to a sanctuary model—offering temporary shelter and love until the cats were adopted. It felt better. But still, the weight lingered. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit that your heart isn’t in it anymore. And that doesn’t make you flaky or ungrateful—it makes you honest. Instead of pushing through burnout, ask yourself what version of the work brings you joy. Scale back, shift, or reinvent as needed. According to the American Psychological Association, 77% of people experience burnout in helping professions—but only 24% make changes to reduce it.

3. You’re Not a “Bad Person” for Wanting Less Responsibility

I’ve spent my whole life taking care of someone. Siblings. Children. Pets. For decades, nurturing was my default. But now, I crave something different—freedom from being needed. And here's something I'm learning: Choosing rest doesn’t mean rejecting love. It means choosing myself for once. If caring has become chronic, ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I have to?” The answer can be life-changing.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” — Norm Kelly

4. Why “Helping” Doesn’t Always Mean “Carrying”

There’s a fine line between supporting others and losing yourself in the process. I realized I don’t want to be known for how many beings I’ve carried—I want to be known for how many people I’ve empowered. I want to redefine my role from caretaker to catalyst. Offer tools, not crutches. Studies show that autonomy-supportive environments lead to higher long-term success and mental well-being than dependency-based support models (Ryan & Deci, 2000).

5. Loving Animals Without Becoming “The Animal Person”

Do I love animals? Absolutely. But I’ve learned that loving something doesn’t mean you have to build your identity around it. I wasn’t at peace being seen as someone who revolved around cats. That wasn’t the story I wanted to tell with my life. And realizing that freed me. Love doesn’t have to lead to lifestyle. You can appreciate without embodying.

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” — Unknown

6. Reclaiming Your Identity: You Get to Choose Who You Are

When the cats found homes and the sanctuary emptied out, it felt odd… but also, weirdly, free. For the first time in decades, no one in my home needed me. And that space gave me clarity. I want to be a me person. Someone who builds, grows, mentors—but who also breathes, rests, and dreams without guilt.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” — Carl Jung

Conclusion: You’re Allowed to Evolve

Letting go of the cat lady label didn’t mean betraying the work I’d done. It meant honoring who I’ve become. Life isn’t static—it’s a series of seasons. And in this new one, I’m not a caretaker, rescuer, or nurturer first. I’m me - transitioning from cat rescue to self rescue.

So, if you're feeling the tug to walk away from a role that once defined you, know this: you are not your labels. You are not your obligations. You are a living, breathing work-in-progress—and that’s a beautiful thing. The greatest rescue you’ll ever do? Saving yourself.

Written by Carlita L. Coley, LPC

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About the Author

Carlita is a Licensed Professional Counselor who founded the Rescue Black Project with a dual purpose: to bring attention to the often-overlooked plight of black cats in shelters and to advocate for the therapeutic benefits of emotional support animals. Through this initiative, she combined her passion for animal welfare with her dedication to mental health, creating a space where rescue and healing could coexist. The project became a bridge between forgotten felines and individuals seeking companionship, comfort, and emotional resilience.